BOYS!

I wanna talk about them.  Know why?  I love them.  LOVE THEM.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool feminist and think that women are incredible, amazing creatures, but the truth is, I don't really want to have sex with them.  I mean, I'm sure it's great and everything - straight men and lesbians sure do seem to like it - but I am a passenger on the XY train, and I gotta tell you...it's a damn good ride.

Yeah, baby, FASTER!

I've thought for a while that I'd like to write a list of what I think is great about men, but keep bumping into the fact that such a list would only be about what I like about men that I like.  It didn't seem universal enough.  But then I realized that it's my freakin' blog, dammit, and if I want to go on a random Chaka tangent now and then, I'm pretty much allowed to.

So here is a list of 5 things that I think make men delicious, in no particular order.  This post is, I gotta say, primarily for you man-lovers out there, but it'll still be entertaining for you female-fanciers, as well, pinky swear.

1.  They look like that

he's especially good at looking like that

OK, they don't ALL look like that - in fact, most of them don't.  But even so, men are just beautiful, with their shoulders and their necks and their wrists and their chests and their feet and the backs of their knees.  My general preference is for a man with some nice muscle and a little pudge and some fur to keep things nice and cuddly, but from long, lean and smooth to short, round and furry, I love the male form.  Seriously, I could look at men all day and just never get tired of it.  Fortunately, the Manfriend appreciates my appreciation of men, and I appreciate his appreciation of women, so we can ogle freely with no ill-will.  How great is that?

2.  They smell like that

in this case, like sandalwood and dreams.

Sometimes they just smell clean, and sometimes they use smelly-good stuff (Old Spice and Hugo Boss, I commend you).  Other times, they smell like healthy sweat and dirt and heat and musky goodness.  And then there's the times when they smell like all of them at the same time and holy crap it's so good.  I don't know if it's pheromones or what, but some days, I just want to bury my face in man and breathe it in for hours.  Fortunately, the Manfriend is a very patient person and also smells really good.

3.  They Think Like That

he might be an idiot, I don't know, but his bone structure is wise and also lickable

At the risk of irking some, I'm going to come out and say it:  men and women think differently.  One's not smarter or better than the other, but they're definitely different.  It's got a whole lot to do with cultural gender norms and expectations, but I can be utterly confounded by the way men seem to see the world sometimes.  As an example, they get all geeked out on details like high scores and strain variations and batting averages and numbers of cylinders...it may sound like I'm making fun, but I'm totally not...I think it's amazing and 100% wonderful.

4.  They Kiss Like That

if he kisses half as well as he sits there looking all gorgeous...

They wrap their arms around you and lean down (this part varies, of course, but I'm pretty short, so there's usually leaning down involved with me) and they grab the back of your head and they're all strong and they smell so good (see #2) and they taste so good....DAMN, I said!   Kissing is one of the best things in life, even if you're kissing a stubbly face that hurts a little bit and you get the redness around your mouth and chin but you totally don't care because kissing is so frickin' great.  That is good stuff, let me tell you what.

5.  Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It...

his name is Hugh Johnson

For the sake of my folks, who do read my blog from time to time, I will not go into detail about this particular aspect of my love for men.  Rest assured, however, that my admiration for the penis is great, and just keeps growing, pun only slightly intended.  It is lovely when penises are on the larger side, but as someone who has seen lots of penises in her professional life (I worked in a herpes clinic, remember, don't get any ideas) and also known a diverse array in her personal life, I can reliably say that it is the motion of the ocean and not the size of the boat that's important.  I promise.

yes...yes...YES!!!

British comedian Stephen Fry said last week that women find men, and particularly male sexuality, disgusting, and that we females merely tolerate sex as the price of a relationship.  This post is my way of telling him, and others who may feel the same way, that it's simply not true of all women, even if it might seem that way sometimes.  

I may get pissed off at men, and think they hog a little too much power in the world, but I'm not interested in a world without them.  Men are beautiful, complex, incredible, sexy creatures that I couldn't stop loving if I tried, and I can't imagine ever wanting to.  Here's to you, men.  I adore you.