Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Congratulations, Ricky!!!

Not that it's much of a surprise to most people, but the eminently lickable hunk of Puerto Rican yumminess that is Ricky Martin has come out of the closet. I could not be happier for him, nor for his children, who will now grow up with a father who is proud of who he is.

truth is beautiful, no?

Martin has posted a letter on his website that discusses his choice to come out, as well as the timing. My heart is just bursting, people. There is very little that makes me happier than seeing people embracing and celebrating their sexuality.

I hope his actions lend strength to others feeling as though they must live in fear and secrecy, and that this is another step on the road to the full acceptance and integration of homosexuality into our society.

Well done, Ricky Martin. Congratulations and well wishes!!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Love is Universal, It's Sound is NOT

Makin' it is pretty universal. Universal to humans, anyway - who know what's going on out there in space beyond our view, but we humans have evolved complementary happy parts that are common to pretty much all of us, and we all pretty much use them in the same way, no matter where we're from, be it Peru or Pyongyang.

internationally celebrated

What is not universal, though, is how we vocalize gettin' some. It totally changes from country to country! This answers an age-old question for me, namely why dubbed porn is so bad (the link is in German and fully clothed, but is also from porn, so I'm going to label it NSFW just in case!). This information was brought to us thanks to research out of University College London.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Answerbox: Turn and Cough!

Dear Answerbox: why do I have to "turn my head and cough" at the doctor?

Honestly, I always thought this was a testicle thing, but it's not! If you are not of the male species, or a male what's never had a physical (which is unacceptable - contact me if you need help finding an affordable physical), there comes a point in a testicular exam where gents are asked by their health provider to "turn their head and cough". Although there's a hand all up in a guy's junk when this happens, the only connection to balls at all is that the top of the scrotum is a good place to check for what they're looking for: hernias!

"Yes, I'm an ophthalmologist...why do you ask?"

A hernia is a weakness in the abdominal muscle wall that can allow little bits of organs to slip through, which is HORRIFYING and WRONG. When a guy coughs, his abdominal muscles tense up all at once and can make hernias more evident to someone who knows what to feel for. The head turning is just so the doc's face isn't all germy from being coughed on all day.

Good to know!

Friday, March 26, 2010

10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasm

If you've never heard of TED, you are in for a treat. TED is a non-profit organization who's mission is to spread knowledge and ideas. Some of the best thinkers in the world are given 18 minutes to talks about what they know, which is a LOT.

It started out about 25 years ago with talks about Technology, Entertainment and Design, but it's now grown to encompass tons of topics from music and poetry to physics and neurology. Some more high-profile members are Bill Gates, Jane Goodall, Douglas Adams, Malcolm Gladwell and James Watson, but every speaker is a leader in their respective field.

There are tons of talks on their website, but this one is from a science journalist Mary Roach, who has gone through all kinds of obscure research to bring us 10 things that I simply did not know about the most fun you can have:

AMAZING. A couple of choice tidbits: there is a case study of a woman who would bring herself to orgasm by brushing her teeth, "upsuck" is an actual scientific term, and that having an orgasm will cure the hiccups. As someone who is driven batshit insane by the hiccups, this information has made my week.

I love orgasms. I love TED. The two together are nothing short of magic.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Pedal to the Metal

Sandra Bullock's* husband cheated on her with a tattoo and fetish model (yes, I'm embarrassed that I know this, but my unholy interest in pop culture has produced something positive in this case). Said tattoo and fetish model states in an online profile that "[her] feet are perfect and [she] still get[s] a lot of foot fetish requests like pedal pumping."

What the hell is pedal pumping? Well, it's a combination of foot and car fetishism that just must be seen to be believed. According to sexologist Dr. Susan Block,

"The basic kinetic movement [in pedal pumping] is a masturbatory motion: the muscles releasing and contracting as the foot rubs repetitively against a phallic symbol, which is the gas pedal. Men think of themselves as cars. The 'vroom' of the engine reminds them of their own libidos being revved up by this hot woman."
And let me tell you, my friends, this is no underground movement - it's everywhere on the internet. Because pedal pumping videos involve no nudity aside from bare feet, they're fully accessible on YouTube and on any search engine. There are several variations that I've found, and though they are safe for work, you might have a hard time explaining them, so use your discretionary muscles:

Very basic: a pretty, manicured foot in a pretty shoe pumping a pedal. There are subcategories based on shoe styles, such as ballet flats, flip-flops, boots, bare feet, etc. Most show a lot of skin, and mules (like those above) seem particularly prolific. I don't find it arousing, but it must be said that the above girl does have some pretty feet.

Friday, March 19, 2010

No Babies: Getting Off the Hormone Train

A woman taking hormonal birth control will usually stop using it at one point or another, either because she's ready to make babies, she's not getting any, or she's just ready for a break. Just like it takes the body a little time to get used to a woman taking hormones, it needs a little time to get used to her not taking them, too.

Common symptoms are mild nausea, fatigue, sluggishness, breast tenderness, weight loss (usually 2-10 lbs), changes in sexual desire (some want it all the time, others want none of it at all), and some variability in menstrual cycles. These symptoms can last for several weeks up to a couple of months, but will eventually dissipate completely.

Move it, gorilla, she wants off the hormone train!!

Now, something to know is that these symptoms are also signs of early pregnancy. If a woman is still having sex with boys, especially if she's not using condoms nigh-unto-religiously, and these symptoms don't dissipate or start to get more pronounced in that time frame, it's time to pee on a stick. Many women need a month or two for their reproductive parts to get back online, but not everyone.

Of this I am 100% sure. Know why? Because my sistercreature, who went off the Pill in December because she was sick of it, wrote me in January saying "Damn, girl, you need to write something about how messed up you get after going off birth control. I feel all funky and my tits hurt," but it wasn't because of her pills, it's because she's PREGNANT! She and her amoreaux were "kinda half-assing" birth control, and now I get to be an AUNTIE! Of a HUMAN! YAY!

My nephew, Pepino. His brother, Duquan, is an ill-tempered bird.
Neither enjoy lullabies.

So, moral of the story is that getting off hormonal BC takes some getting used to, just like getting on did. And if making babies is not in the plan, make sure condom usage is not half-assed!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Smoking + Percieved Pedophelia = Panties in Twist

So, what's happening in this picture?

most people wait until afterwards, but whatever

According to a French ad agency (the French are on a mission to make public service announcements as creepy as possible, apparently) it is exemplifying how smoking cigarettes makes you a slave to tobacco. Because only slaves give blow jobs. While smoking. Or something.

Wait, what?

I'm not particularly shocked by this ad campaign, but I'm relatively unshockable, except when pointless violence, gross unfairness, and/or spiders are involved. Plenty of people are, though. Really, I'm just confused. I mean, I get it - tobacco companies are trying to face-rape the virginal doe-eyed youth who are our future - but it's just not very effective.

This doesn't scream "Oh no, these kids are sex slaves. . .damn you tobacco!" to me. To me, it looks like some pasty kids wondering, "Does he know that the thing he wants me to touch his cock with is, in actual fact, on fire?"

Friday, March 12, 2010

Spooge 101

Because there's no such thing as having too many factoids to share at cocktail parties. Click to make it bigger!

The Scoop on Semen

Thanks for the submish, Zobot!

Sunday, March 7, 2010


Humpday is a film about two old friends, Ben (married with a new house and trying to have a baby) and Andrew (Mr. Backpack Adventure Man), that haven't seen each other in a decade. At a party one night, they end up drunkenly daring each other to make a gay porn movie together for a local erotic film festival (a send up of Seattle's HUMP! festival).

The idea is that porn is so played out that the only barrier yet to cross is a movie about 2 straight men screwing (which HAS been done, extensively so, but whatever). After said party scene, the rest of the movie is basically them deciding whether or not they're going to go through with it, because neither is willing to punk out on the dare.

I can't say the movie's without faults - it can seem a little too pleased with its own cleverness at times, and is probably about 15 minutes too long. Even so, it touches on some themes that don't often get touched in American films...the nature of love between heterosexual men, the idea that sex can be a friendly act, and the fact that sexual acts outside of a marriage don't necessarily have to threaten or destroy said marriage, provided people actually talk to each other about it.

The movie's been the buzz of the indie circuit this year. It was one of the first films to nab a distribution deal at the most recent Sundance film festival, and this past Friday, it won the John Cassavetes award (for best feature made for less than $500K) at the Independent Spirit Awards (the Oscars of the independent film industry). This is exiting to me for three main reasons:

First, it's a comedy about sex that isn't stupid and vapid. Second, it's a Seattle movie through and through (cast, crew, everything), and it nailed my hometown in a way I have never seen done before (Singles didn't quiiiiite get there, in my opinion). Third, the woman who plays Ben's wife Anna (Alycia Delmore), was one of my dearest friends in high school. I'd recommend the movie even if she wasn't in it, but the fact that she is makes it that much more awesome. I am so unbelievably happy and excited for her, I can't hardly stand it!

So go see some Humpday, people. It might annoy you in places, but it's well worth the ride!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Sherri's 'View' on Sex

I don't know much about Sherri Shepherd, because as much as I want to love the View as I once did (old school style when Meredith Vieira, Lisa Ling and Starr Jones-before-she-went-crazy were still on), but these days I try and watch and I can't understand what anyone's saying for all the talking over each other. I mean, that's just bad TV, people.

But anyway, like I was saying, I don't know much about Sherri Shepherd, but I suspect I love her because this is hilarious in a way that Madonna never intended to be.

You can totally understand her without 4 other women shouting over her!

Do you remember when that book was scandalous? Ok, it's still scandalous that she slept with Vanilla's scandalous that ANYONE slept with Vanilla Ice...but you can see the rest of it on frickin' billboards these days. Bless you, Sheri Shepherd, for breathing new life into stale soft-core pornography.

Enjoy!! It's NSFW!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

No Babies: Insert Clever Patch Reference Here

Birth control patches are often referred to by their brand name, Ortho Evra. There is currently no generic version of the patch, nor will there be until Ortho Evra's patent expires in 2015. They require a prescription, and the per-month cost for the patch is between $15-$50.

The patch delivers both estrogen and progestin (the standard birth control hormones) through the skin. These hormones prevent ovulation, make the uterus inhospitable, and thicken cervical mucus, like other hormonal birth control methods. The patch is placed on the skin of the arm, hip, bum or shoulder once a week for 3 weeks out of the month. The 4th week, no patch is used.

Patches: not just for pirates anymore!

It's as effective as the Pill, meaning that less than 1 out of 100 women will get pregnant if the patch is used correctly. There is some evidence that it's less effective in women who weigh more than 198 pounds, but not universally. More voluptuous ladies should discuss this with their health provider person. All ladies should discuss any other medications they're taking, including over-the-counter and natural ones!

As far as safety goes. . .there are some concerns. There's a whole group of ladies who shouldn't use the patch at all, including anyone with any kind of heart or liver problems. In 2008, the FDA changed the prescribing information for the patch to include results from a study showing an increased risk of serious blood clots in young women. However, the FDA does still consider Ortho Evra a safe and effective medication.

Other side-effects include nausea, bleeding between periods and breast tenderness, similar to other hormonal birth control. Some women also see changes in sexual desire and skin irritation at the site of the patch. Positive side effects include reduced risk for pelvic inflammatory disease and severe menstrual cramping, reduction in facial and body acne and even a reduced risk of certain uterine cancers.

I have never been able to even try the patch because 1) as I've mentioned, hormonal birth control makes me go crazy, and 2) I have the most sensitive skin on the planet and would undoubtedly get some kind of hideous rash from sticking drugs to it. Also, the concept of transdermal medication is a little creepy to me, no matter how irrational that may be, or how awesome and futuristic medication patches are.

If you have experience with the patch and are willing to share, please do so in the comments!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Fun for Data Miners!

One of my favorite parts of the movie Amelie is this (NSFW) one:

Because I also wonder this!!

Now, I need not wonder anymore, thanks to none other than the interwebs. Enter!

The main page is a map with lots of pink and blue icons on it. Each of these markers represents people that have recently gotten it on. Some represent single couples, other large concentrations of couples. You can filter by how recently sex was had, the sex of the people gettin' it on, whether the sex was hetero- or homosexual, where it was had (on a couch? a boat?), whether it was someone's first time, and if a condom was used. FUN!

You can also zoom in really far to pretty much anywhere in the whole world, from the wide angle of the whole world to your very own streetcorner. You can also leave your own markers, completely anonymously!

I just learned that a girl had awesome shower sex last night at about 10:30 down by Fort Lewis, WA. And a guy in Seoul had a MARATHON earlier today that looks like it was a lot of fun. SO FUN! Yay!

IJML is the brainchild of the lovely people at SharQ Ltd., a Polish interactive web application development team. Thank you for this latest diversion, smiley Polish interweb people!