Saturday, October 31, 2009

Yay for the Yoni!

lady flower
I call the ladyparts "yoni" in situations where referring to them as "pussy" is just not appropriate. Vagina doesn't really cover it, because it leaves out all the good stuff outside. Vulva doesn't do it, either, because goodness of the inside parts cannot be denied.

Yoni, on the other hand, is pretty and all-encompassing. It means "origin or source of life" in Sanskrit, which you can't really argue with. It can sound a little hippie coming from a white girl, but I'm okay with that, man.

I've been unable to find examples of the kind of religious devotion to the yoni as I was for the penis, but the folks that first used the term 'yoni' (in India a kajillion years ago) were serious about loving her. They practiced a form of worship called "yoni puja", or yoni worship - which was known as one the most powerful in Hinduism.

And she inspires art!

eat this, andy warhol!

Crafty (get yours today!):

Musical (here's more!):

Theatrical (note - I don't think it's a crime if you like your/her yoni smooth, but I love this monologue, anyway. And sorry for the crappy quality):
the bush is not gross, galldangit.
Bush is not a crime

So, yay for the yoni! She is splendiferous indeed.
Yes, it's true!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Last night, some girlfriends and I went to see The Time-Traveler's Wife. It was mostly terrible, although watching Eric Bana run around naked is not a bad way to spend an evening. (Rachel McAdams is also gorgeous, if painfully thin). Not worth seeing.

Anyway, we went to an early show, so afterwards we went to this little place down the street for a nightcap (bottle of white with some fried plantains and guacamole - both were yummy and spicy). As it often does when women and wine are combined, the conversation turned to men, then to sex. As it often does when I am involved in sex conversations, we got to talking about what we termed "non-vanilla" sex.

I find it fascinating - how if you can imagine it, someone is getting off on it. There's a book I saw about 10 years ago called Deviant Desires, which piqued my interest. It's a primer on several fetish sex practices, like (links NWS) pony play, sploshing and balloon fetishes. The book, while fabulous, only scratches the surface. This image (created by the author of Deviant Desires) illustrates how complex the fetish world can get:

Then there's a whole crazy-sexual-position world, which is a whole 'nother thing. An episode of South Park opened the door to things I never knew existed: it's the one where Mr. Garrison is quizzing kindergartners the names of different sexual positions. All the positions mentioned in that clip, along with countless others, are illuminated in the Urban Dictionary. Each one was thought out by someone, and I have no doubt that each one has been tried, multiple times. It goes on and on! It's fantastic!

While I may not be into all of them, I wholeheartedly support the consensual pursuit of all non-vanilla sex practices. Life is way too short to not get some the way you really like it. I support finding and having partners that you can share your secret desires with - and getting flavorful with each other!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Mike Hunt

So, in 1990s Seattle, this dude, Mike Hunt (Mike Aivaz, in real life) advocated super leftist politics, the smoking of huge amounts of weed and the free consumption of pornography on his weekly public access program, "Mike Hunt's Get Your Friend Laid Show." He actually ran for mayor once, too, on his "Pizza and Porn Platform". Hilarious.

In between lefty rants and copious bong hits, Mike Hunt would intersperse clips of hardcore porn. If I were to see it now, it wouldn't be particularly was mostly run-of-the-mill stuff, occasionally sprinkled with some light S&M and male-to-female transsexuals. However, as a kiddo, it was totally scandalous.

There was one scene, in particular, that I will never forget. It started as a closeup of a woman's face, obviously having sex. The shot widened to show her big ol' boobs bouncing around everywhere, as porn boobs do. The shot then widens further, which is where still-young me got kinda confused.

See, there was a guy there, too, happily thrusting away into this pretty woman. However, this pretty woman was also masturbating. Masturbating her penis. Looking back, it was mostly mundane as far as 'tranny porn' goes, but man at the time...the color of the world changed a little that day. Got a little bigger. In a porny kind of way, at least.

The Seattle Cable Access Network pulled the plug on Mike Hunt several years ago, after some parents (a total of about 6) complained that if their kids happened to be awake and watching television at 1 am (the only time the show aired), they might stumble upon this program and be corrupted. OK kids were stumbling upon it (I did, obviously), but why do SIX uptight people (in a viewing population of tens of thousands) get to spoil the fun for everyone? Is this America or what?! I hate people who get what they want by yelling loud enough. But I digress.

Mike Hunt still has a (very, very NSFW) website. If you want to look at some majorly porny porn, read about how 9/11 was an inside job, hear lots of Ron Paul and Ralph Nader speeches and feel good about that bong hit you're gonna take, Mike's gotcha covered. I warn you, though, the site has none of the charm of the show and mostly sucks. However, the brother brought me many hours of quasi-educational entertainment in my youth, so I'll give him a shout out and leave it to you to do as you wish. Yay America!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

...or whatever.

Recently, I discovered that every single episode of the incomparable 90's teen angst-o-rama My So-Called Life is available on Hulu. I didn't watch it the first time around, because I was graduating from high school and obviously too cool to watch a show about sophomores, but watching it now, I'm impressed. Here are real (albeit mostly white) kids in a real school facing real issues.

One episode, called "Pressure" really struck me. Unsurprisingly, it was about sex! The main character, Angela, is totally in love with Jordan Catalano (first and last name always, please) and makes out with him in the boiler room at school every day, but isn't ready to have sex with him. He's pressuring her and she's worried that she's somehow abnormal because she's not into it.

What I found so refreshing was that the show tells kids there are all kinds of 'normal' when it comes to sex and teenagers. There is:

the smart girl with opportunity who wants to wait,
the sexy boy who is unused to girls wanting to wait
the wild girl who screws everyone and likes it

the shy boy that would hop in bed in a second - if he had someone to hop with
the good girl who really only likes her boyfriend because they have great sex
and the sweet boy coming to grips with wanting to sleep with boys.
Unlike the CW, which would have kids believe they're some kind of prude if they don't want to have group sex in the VIP lounge of some NY nightclub, this show lets kids be KIDS, to be dorky and confused and sexy and even ugly. And I think kids today could, like, do with a little dorkification. Or whatever.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

You know, or not

Dammit. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a gleeful report that Thai scientists had developed an HIV vaccine that was 31% effective. It wasn't the magic bullet to end a global epidemic, but it was a damn good start. Well, my buzz has been officially killed.

Apparently, as soon as the Thai data were looked at by anyone who wasn't directly involved with the trial itself, it was determined that the vaccine was really only about 26% effective. 26% is statistically insignificant, meaning there's no way to tell if the result was just due to chance or not. Which sucks, and has killed my buzz.

Goes to show that you can't get too excited about revolutionary findings that haven't yet gone through peer review. You'll most likely end up disappointed with no buzz at all.

Oh, well...the fight goes on! In the mean time, don't forget yer rubbers!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Who Wants to be Sexually Harrassed?

The Manfriend forwarded this video the other day:

Total sexual harassment! I mean, it's a game show and not a workplace, the outcome of the game didn't ride on whether or not he responded favorably to her, and the dude did seem to roll with it, but he's clearly uncomfortable in several places.

And think about it - can you imagine the shitstorm that would have ensued if Regis Philbin had made any one of those comments to a female contestant? Equality only works if everyone is held to the same standard. And I'm pro-equality.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Taking Baby Pictures to a Whole New Level

I was tooling around on YouTube listening to Jupiter (I'm a total dork for outer space) and found this video after a few clicks on 'related videos' links:

How this is at all related to the sound of Jupiter, I cannot say

I don't know why these things blow my mind so completely, but it's just amazing to me. I've been doing this whole ovulation thing every month for 20 years, but seeing it somehow brings it home in a whole new way.

I'm going to take my ovaries for a cocktail this evening. It's Friday, they work hard, and they deserve it.

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Company Inkwell

David Letterman has been in the news (if we can call it that) because he admitted to sleeping with people he works with. I have to ask...who hasn't? I mean, we spend most of our waking lives at work, so it's a natural place to meet people. It's also a natural way to get yourself into a hot mess.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic when things are going well. Picturing that hot security guard naked is greatly improved when you can actually rip his clothes off later. Sex breaks make a workday go by like THAT, I'll tell you. But, oh man, if things go south, we're talking Antarctica, folks.

There are some strong-willed individuals that can take it in stride, but most end up in a drama that could be in contention for a daytime Emmy. You not only have to see the person every day, you have to interact with them in this smooth, detached way, when what you want to do is run away or scream or cry or punch them in the face.

Letterman's situation is complicated further because the women he slept with worked for him. Bonking the boss brings up issues surrounding coercion and favoritism, either real or imagined. There's also a real power imbalance in a relationship like that, no matter who is in the boss role. When you can punish your partner professionally for something that happened in your personal lives, it skews things.

So I say proceed with caution, whether it's the boss or a colleague. Getting into a situation that could ruin both your personal and professional life in one fell swoop is not something to play with, no matter how delicious that situation may be. I say find yourself someone from another inkwell and use your imagination. One day you're the boss, the next day you're the personal assistant, the next the copy repair person...the fun is endless!!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Yay for Penises!

Yay for days and days!

There is little I could say that hasn't already been said about the wonderous wang, especially because I don't want to get all porny, and I know how I feel about wangs. I will just say I am wholeheartedly pro-penis.

I'm not the only one, either: here is a list of religions that worship penises!

And there's Kanamara Matsuri, or the Festival of the Steel Phallus. It takes place on the first Sunday in April in Kawasaki, Japan. It's a fertility festival that involves a shrine of phallus worship - there's some neat info and background here.

Kanamara Matsuri - I love a parade!

Finally, to round out this ode to all things glorious and penile, here is a list of famous units, thanks our friends over at the Listverse. Yay for penises!!!

I surely do