Isabella!

There was exactly one movie my sister and I were not allowed to watch when we were younger: Blue Velvet.  My mom said that it depicted a side of humanity (and sexuality, but she didn't say that part at the time) that we didn't have context for yet, and she worried we wouldn't be able to fully integrate it, and it might screw with our heads.

David Lynch screw with someone's head?  Nah....

Behind the cut is an example of how my mama is no fool.

This is exceedingly NSFW:

dang, dude

This woman is objectified, abused, and raped by this psycho dude with a portable nitrous mask and mommy issues...and she likes it.  [Edit - for clarification, I think it is MESSED UP that she likes it and that these characters are obviously mentally unsound - sane, healthy people play at this stuff, they don't actually live it.].  Look at her face at 3:00, 3:26 or 4:50 - she is receiving pleasure from that treatment.  The movie explains why (or you can read about it here), and let's just say it's for really, really screwed up reasons.  Reasons that are hard for me to integrate now, much less half a lifetime ago.

Wait, those are the scissors...that was her...wait...woah...what?

Everyone gives Dennis Hopper all the credit for this scene, and while he is brilliant and creepy as hell and all that jazz, it's Isabella Rossellini I can't take my eyes off.  She's beautiful and scary and strange and pitiful.  I think it's one of the best performances of any woman anywhere in film, and I do not take such things lightly.  To climb into that woman's head, to inhabit her so fully and convincingly...can you imagine?  Men, you get in on this too.

I imagine it would feel something like this.

But then do you know what happened that made me love Isabella even more?  GREEN PORNO HAPPENED.  Green Porno is a series of film shorts produced by and starring Ms. Rossellini which describe the mating habits of various animals.  Here is her take on the mating practices of ducks (which I guess is also technically NSFW):

check out my take on duck mating here!

She's also done one about whales, spiders - all kinds of things!  It's just too frickin' adorable for words.  I think those of us who do sex ed for people should take a tip from Ms. Rossellini - be frank, be fun, and be factual.  Nature is entertaining as hell - all we have to do is show it for how interesting and beautiful it truly is.  

Perhaps, though, we'll leave the sado-masochistic snails and bedbugs for the slightly older crowds, because being turned on by inflicting pain and ejaculating into wounds could also probably use a little context, even if we are just talking about insects.  Sometimes, you just gotta listen to yer mom, and I'm gonna.

Isabella Rossellini for the win, people.  

LUV.  HUH.