Chakabox Answerbox

[First, a little background: There are 2 distinct types of herpes simplex virus, or HSV: type 1 and type 2. HSV1 most commonly causes cold sores, and about 80% of Americans have it. HSV2 is the cause of most genital herpes, and about 25% of Americans have it. Despite these location 'preferences', both viruses can live either place.]

This morning a friend sent me an email asking me to confirm or deny the following statement, and both the asker and I thought it would a great first entry to the Chakabox Answerbox:

"Acquisition of one type [of herpes] is more difficult - though certainly possible - if you already have the other type. This is because either type, contracted orally or genitally, causes the body to produce [immune proteins called] antibodies, some of which are active against both HSV-1 and 2. This acquired immune response gives some limited protection if the body encounters a second type." (text taken from http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html*)

In the experience and knowledge of Chakabox, this statement is mostly true. HSV2 infection does appear to protect against subsequent HSV1 infection. Meaning, if you get genital herpes first, you're not going to get cold sores in the future. It's a small thing, but sometimes you've gotta find the bright side.

The same can't be said about HSV1 infection, however. There is some protection afforded, it's true, but not in a way that's interesting to anyone but infectious disease researchers. The practical reality is that having cold sores will not prevent you from getting genital herpes down the line. I can't find the bright side to that, but here's this.

If you have any questions about this entry to the Answerbox - or about anything regarding sex or sexuality - please write me! Your name will remain out of it unless you expressly tell me you'd like it used. I love questions, have lots of resources and would love to hear from you. The submission email is Answerbox@chakabox.com!

*www.herpes.com is a good site. Very thorough, generally up-to-date and factual, despite all the ads. Just ignore the ads - they're all malarkey, and this coming from someone who believes in naturopathic medicine.

No Babies: Men Go Under the Knife (or not, apparently!)

A vasectomy is a procedure that cuts or blocks a man's vasa deferentia, the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles during ejaculation. Traditional vasectomies involve a small incision in the scrotum. Newer, 'no-scalpel' vasectomies do not.

Both procedures are hella outpatient - traditional ones take about 20 minutes, the no-scalpel methods only 5-10! Local anesthesia is used, and if a guy's nervous, he can ask for sleepy/happy drugs.

Recovery time ranges from a day to a week (no-scalpel methods boast shorter recovery time). Not having a scrotum or vasa deferentia, I can't really imagine what a vasectomy would feel like, but it doesn't sound horrible - I saw the pain generally classified as 'moderate', 'achy', and well controlled with OTC painkillers. Ice and a jock strap for a day or so also appear to be keys to happy post-snip balls.

nope, can't even imagine

Sexual abstinence is recommended for a week following the procedure, but there should be no lasting sexual side effects once recovery is complete. An additional form of birth control is needed for the first 3 months to make sure no stragglers try and make a run for glory.

There is less than a 1% chance that a vasectomy will fail, making it the most effective form of male birth control available. The procedure is intended to be permanent, so it's definitely something to think about before having it done. Prices range from about $350 - $1000, and many insurance plans cover the procedure in at least one form.

For those of us who love balls, it can seem a little freaky to go messing with them like this. But, as a fan myself, I wouldn't tell y'all it's safe if it wasn't. Cross my heart and hope to die, fer serious.

No Babies: 100% Effective

There are 3 methods of birth control that are utterly foolproof. No matter how drunk you are, no matter how caught up in the moment you are, no matter how hard you try:

1. Same-sex partners

The whole birth control thing is moot if you're shaggin' your own sex. Gay and lesbian couples can raise babies as well as anyone, but making them...that's a different story.

2. Hysterectomy

GTFO, uterus

Taking it out merely to prevent pregnancy is not a good call, because it also creates and helps regulate a woman's hormones. However, if the uterus is removed for other reasons, not having to worry about birth control is a bonus. No oven, no bun. Commence boning.

3. Abstinence from intercourse.

Now, I'm not suggesting replacing sex with a walk in the woods or a rousing game of Uno. I'm suggesting that it's possible to be sexy while making sure your tingly bits don't ever touch. Easy tip for success - only one person gets to be naked at a time!

Next up - the almost foolproof!

No Babies!!

For the most part, animals have little need for birth control. The only reason most species have sex at all is for reproduction. Some do have sex for fun (humans, bonobo chimps and dolphins, to name a few), but if dolphins are boning for fun and that fun leads to babies...well, what else are they doing? It's not like dolphins need to pay for fish or decide if they want to establish a career before having kids.

We humans, however, do have these considerations, and need to be a little more careful with our fun. For one thing, just because two people CAN have a baby, doesn't mean they should. I mean, 13-year-olds and meth addicts can have babies - 'nuff said. Secondly, not everyone wants to have children, and even those that do mostly don't want a million of them.

Three (or nine million) cheers for birth control! It allows humans to enjoy their bodies without making new ones until they're good and ready to make them. There are tons of options available: condoms, hormones, spermicides, cervical barriers - we'll get to them all. So sit back and enjoy the cavalcade of contraception!!

just say no

Chakabox's 5 Most Memorable Sex Scenes

1. Secretary (2002)

Elbows ON the table, please

(Starts at 12:40) Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) has been released from a mental hospital after a severe self-mutilation incident, and has gotten a secretarial job for a seemingly uptight Edward (James Spader). Shy, quiet Lee has become increasingly attracted to the forceful Edward, and her submissiveness is extremely attractive to him. This scene is the beginning of a sexual and personal awakening for them both, and is one of the sexiest scenes ever filmed ever.

2. The Name of the Rose (1986)

That's not the volume he's pumping up....

(Starts at about 0:27) Young apprentice monk Melk (Christian Slater) is helping to investigate a series of bizarre deaths in an abbey. During the investigation he is seduced by a beautiful peasant girl (Valentina Vargas) who has come to the abbey to trade sex for food. My sister and I watched this movie with our parents when we were about 13, and they totally fast-forwarded through this scene, immediately making it the most memorable sex scene I never saw.

3. Original Sin (2001)

Amazing

Looking at Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas is the only reason to see this movie about a hot Cuban businessman and his hot-but-sketchy wife. If you go in with that understanding, it's a cinematic masterpiece. After looking amazing in corsets and suspenders for a while, they get naked and look amazing. Then they have lots of sex while looking amazing, and then look amazing while some crap I didn't pay attention to happens. What's really amazing, though, is that a major Hollywood studio released something this explicit.

4. Monster's Ball (2001)

this does not make me feel good

Hank (Billy Bob Thornton) has recently witnessed his son's suicide, and likely helped drive him to it. Leticia's (Halle Berry) husband has recently been executed, and her son (to whom she was not kind) has just been killed in an accident. The sex these two have on the night of that accident is brutal and desperate, but not without tenderness as they try and obliterate their pain with each others' bodies. Berry went on to win Best Actress for this role.

5. Stealing Beauty (1996)

sigh.

19-year-old Lucy (Liv Tyler) is spending the summer with family friends in Tuscany after her mother's suicide to find herself, her real father and to lose her virginity (we're not talking American Pie style, here. This is art, dammit). After several disappointing encounters with sexy Europeans and figuring out the whole dad thing, she finds herself on top of a golden Tuscan hill watching the sun set with her friend Osvaldo (Ignazio Oliva), who reveals that he's loved her since her first trip. They proceed to have the sweetest, most awkward, most wonderful first time that anyone could possibly hope for. Sigh, indeed.

For your further perusing pleasure, the Independent Film Channel has listed their top 50 sex scenes here. Share your favorite or most memorable in the comments!

Yay for the Yoni!

lady flower

I call the ladyparts "yoni" in situations where referring to them as "pussy" is just not appropriate. Vagina doesn't really cover it, because it leaves out all the good stuff outside. Vulva doesn't do it, either, because goodness of the inside parts cannot be denied.

Yoni, on the other hand, is pretty and all-encompassing. It means "origin or source of life" in Sanskrit, which you can't really argue with. It can sound a little hippie coming from a white girl, but I'm okay with that, man.

I've been unable to find examples of the kind of religious devotion to the yoni as I was for the penis, but the folks that first used the term 'yoni' (in India a kajillion years ago) were serious about loving her. They practiced a form of worship called "yoni puja", or yoni worship - which was known as one the most powerful in Hinduism.

And she inspires art!

Visual:

eat this, andy warhol!

Crafty (get yours today!):

Musical (here's more!):

Theatrical (note - I don't think it's a crime if you like your/her yoni smooth, but I love this monologue, anyway. And sorry for the crappy quality):

Bush is not a crime

So, yay for the yoni! She is splendiferous indeed.

Yes, it's true!

Non-Vanilla

Last night, some girlfriends and I went to see The Time-Traveler's Wife. It was mostly terrible, although watching Eric Bana run around naked is not a bad way to spend an evening. (Rachel McAdams is also gorgeous, if painfully thin). Not worth seeing.

Anyway, we went to an early show, so afterwards we went to this little place down the street for a nightcap (bottle of white with some fried plantains and guacamole - both were yummy and spicy). As it often does when women and wine are combined, the conversation turned to men, then to sex. As it often does when I am involved in sex conversations, we got to talking about what we termed "non-vanilla" sex.

I find it fascinating - how if you can imagine it, someone is getting off on it. There's a book I saw about 10 years ago called Deviant Desires, which piqued my interest. It's a primer on several fetish sex practices, like (links NWS) pony play, sploshing and balloon fetishes. The book, while fabulous, only scratches the surface. This image (created by the author of Deviant Desires) illustrates how complex the fetish world can get:

Then there's a whole crazy-sexual-position world, which is a whole 'nother thing. An episode of South Park opened the door to things I never knew existed: it's the one where Mr. Garrison is quizzing kindergartners the names of different sexual positions. All the positions mentioned in that clip, along with countless others, are illuminated in the Urban Dictionary. Each one was thought out by someone, and I have no doubt that each one has been tried, multiple times. It goes on and on! It's fantastic!

While I may not be into all of them, I wholeheartedly support the consensual pursuit of all non-vanilla sex practices. Life is way too short to not get some the way you really like it. I support finding and having partners that you can share your secret desires with - and getting flavorful with each other!