Dave Chappelle and Q-Tip Explain STDs to America's Youth

Dave Chappelle is funny as hell.  And Q-Tip apparently does everything well (and is also beyond dreamy).  Here, they (and also Snoop Dogg/Lion) tell some youngsters (and now you!) about penis diseases!  (NSFW on account of puppet nudity!)

Comedy Central

Kid's face at 1:32!

How great is it when entertainment can teach you something?  The only thing not true in that whole video is that you can't get crabs from toilet seats - though you CAN get them from bed sheets, towels and sofas.  And just so you know, the story about crabs going extinct because of Brazilian waxing is based on doctors' anecdotal data, not any kind of actual scientific research, so we haven't exactly dodged a bullet yet.

Look how happy that non-extinct crab is!!

So take it from Dave, kids..."Keep your genitals out of harm's way, don't chase money, and refrain from littering, you'll be a winner!

Glee, Nekkid

I love Glee.  LOVE IT.  What self-respecting former drama geek - particularly what former musical theatre drama geek - doesn't?   It's hilarious, it's ruthless, it's educational (did you know that dolphins are really just gay sharks?) and reminds the country weekly that Jane Lynch is the best thing that has happened to television in a long time.  If they'd just stop auto-tuning professional, classically-trained singers, I would be in 100% hea-ven.  HEAVEN I TELL YOU.

Glee: where ephedrine + Katrina and the Waves = education!

Sherri's 'View' on Sex

I don't know much about Sherri Shepherd, because as much as I want to love the View as I once did (old school style when Meredith Vieira, Lisa Ling and Starr Jones-before-she-went-crazy were still on), but these days I try and watch and I can't understand what anyone's saying for all the talking over each other. I mean, that's just bad TV, people.

But anyway, like I was saying, I don't know much about Sherri Shepherd, but I suspect I love her because this is hilarious in a way that Madonna never intended to be.

You can totally understand her without 4 other women shouting over her!

Do you remember when that book was scandalous? Ok, it's still scandalous that she slept with Vanilla Ice...it's scandalous that ANYONE slept with Vanilla Ice...but you can see the rest of it on frickin' billboards these days. Bless you, Sheri Shepherd, for breathing new life into stale soft-core pornography.

Enjoy!! It's NSFW!!

Oh, Tyra

Not a great way to encourage this young man to ask adults honest sex questions (which was the point after all), but an excellent way to entertain me. Thank you, Miss Tyra.

Being Sexy Doesn't Necessarily Make you Right

So, if you are amongst the "I have a job during the day" people, you have probably missed the daytime television gem "The Doctors". On the show, 4 medical doctors, each possessing enough bone structure for 3 people, sit behind a shiny desk and dispense pop medicine.

Paging Dr. Cheekbones...

Mostly they're harmless. They say a lot about eating whole grains and vegetables, remind people not to smoke and get enough sleep, which is always good, and they stay away from fads and trends for the most part. It's usually only background noise as I'm writing or studying or cleaning house or whatever. Really, the only reason it's ever on is because I get distracted by that tall drink of water up there on the right while surfing for something to ignore.

But today...today they pissed me off. Someone wrote in and asked how to prevent their frequent cold sores. Their advice? Don't share drinking glasses, throw away your toothbrush after you have an outbreak so you don't 'get it again', and don't eat peanut butter. There's nothing that makes a man less sexy than giving out bunk information about herpes.

Put that sexy neck away, you misinforming so and so...

First of all, it's practically impossible to pass cold sores (usually caused by herpes simplex virus 1 or HSV1) via a glass. You get HSV1 from direct skin-to-skin contact, and no other way. However, it makes many people feel better to keep glasses, towels, etc. to themselves when they're having an outbreak, anyway, which is certainly not going to hurt anyone.

Secondly, once you have cold sores, you're not going to get them again, so you can keep your toothbrush. As soon as a body is infected with HSV1, it starts creating antibodies that prevent re-infection after re-exposure. This is basic immunology. Doctors should know this.

Thirdly, one of them said that "kids often will get cold sores in their mouth..." NO. They get canker sores in their mouth, which are completely different. Healthy people don't get cold sores in their mouths - only people with no immune system (HIV+, organ transplant, etc.) do.

inside = canker sore outside = cold sore

Fourth, it is wise to avoid peanut butter, and other foods rich in an amino acid called arginine. I'll give them that.

But what really pissed me off that they didn't even mention the fact that there are highly effective, safe, and inexpensive prescription medications available to prevent frequent or painful cold sores. They didn't need to name names, (which are acyclovir, valacyclovir and famciclovir) but they should have at least mentioned that there are effective meds available.

So yeah, The Doctors are dead in my book. Harsh? Maybe, but I also just found out that Dr. Sexypants was also The Bachelor once, which I just can't hang with. I don't mean to offend anyone who enjoys watching it, but I hate that The Bachelor exists and is popular in a country that legally defiles the civil liberties of American citizens in the guise of 'protecting the sanctity of marriage'.

But mostly they're dead because they gave bunk info about herpes, which is my biggest pet peeve next to people cracking gum or clipping their nails on the bus.

Don't forget to send questions to the Answerbox!

The Kinsey Scale

Alfred Kinsey, the granddaddy of modern sexuality research, believed that human sexual orientation is a variable thing. That a people's sexual thoughts, desires and behavior toward either their own or the opposite sex can be fluid over time. To exemplify this idea, he and his colleagues used their extensive research to devise The Kinsey Scale:

0 - exclusively heterosexual

1 - mostly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 - mostly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 - equally heterosexual and homosexual

4 - mostly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 - mostly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 - exclusively homosexual

I believe almost everyone is somewhere between 1 & 2 or 4 & 5, especially considering you don't necessarily need to have sex with someone to tip the scales. It's most culturally acceptable for straight women to indulge in such fantasies (in the brain and in life, not to mention porn), but I think most every person of every stripe dabbles with their "Other" at least once or twice, even if it's only in a private sexy fantasy.

I love the Kinsey scale because it shows this 'dabbling' to be the natural expression of human sexuality that it is. A straight man can get hard thinking about sucking a guy off without being gay. A gay man can get hard thinking about licking a woman's breasts without being straight. Hell, according to this scale, they can even do those things without needing to rearrange their whole sexual identity.

That's the beautiful thing - we all can, men and women alike, without any shame. And healthy sexuality free from shame is what we're aiming for here at Chakabox. It's what we're all about! Thank you Granddaddy Kinsey!

I leave you with a little something we can all shamelessly enjoy, I daresay even you Level 6 boys and Level 0 girls, because holy crap, Charlize is a stone FOX stomping down the hallway gettin' all nekkid:

Nope, I am not a Kinsey 0. And I suddenly want some perfume...

Non-Vanilla

Last night, some girlfriends and I went to see The Time-Traveler's Wife. It was mostly terrible, although watching Eric Bana run around naked is not a bad way to spend an evening. (Rachel McAdams is also gorgeous, if painfully thin). Not worth seeing.

Anyway, we went to an early show, so afterwards we went to this little place down the street for a nightcap (bottle of white with some fried plantains and guacamole - both were yummy and spicy). As it often does when women and wine are combined, the conversation turned to men, then to sex. As it often does when I am involved in sex conversations, we got to talking about what we termed "non-vanilla" sex.

I find it fascinating - how if you can imagine it, someone is getting off on it. There's a book I saw about 10 years ago called Deviant Desires, which piqued my interest. It's a primer on several fetish sex practices, like (links NWS) pony play, sploshing and balloon fetishes. The book, while fabulous, only scratches the surface. This image (created by the author of Deviant Desires) illustrates how complex the fetish world can get:

Then there's a whole crazy-sexual-position world, which is a whole 'nother thing. An episode of South Park opened the door to things I never knew existed: it's the one where Mr. Garrison is quizzing kindergartners the names of different sexual positions. All the positions mentioned in that clip, along with countless others, are illuminated in the Urban Dictionary. Each one was thought out by someone, and I have no doubt that each one has been tried, multiple times. It goes on and on! It's fantastic!

While I may not be into all of them, I wholeheartedly support the consensual pursuit of all non-vanilla sex practices. Life is way too short to not get some the way you really like it. I support finding and having partners that you can share your secret desires with - and getting flavorful with each other!

Mike Hunt

So, in 1990s Seattle, this dude, Mike Hunt (Mike Aivaz, in real life) advocated super leftist politics, the smoking of huge amounts of weed and the free consumption of pornography on his weekly public access program, "Mike Hunt's Get Your Friend Laid Show." He actually ran for mayor once, too, on his "Pizza and Porn Platform". Hilarious.

In between lefty rants and copious bong hits, Mike Hunt would intersperse clips of hardcore porn. If I were to see it now, it wouldn't be particularly titillating...it was mostly run-of-the-mill stuff, occasionally sprinkled with some light S&M and male-to-female transsexuals. However, as a kiddo, it was totally scandalous.

There was one scene, in particular, that I will never forget. It started as a closeup of a woman's face, obviously having sex. The shot widened to show her big ol' boobs bouncing around everywhere, as porn boobs do. The shot then widens further, which is where still-young me got kinda confused.

See, there was a guy there, too, happily thrusting away into this pretty woman. However, this pretty woman was also masturbating. Masturbating her penis. Looking back, it was mostly mundane as far as 'tranny porn' goes, but man at the time...the color of the world changed a little that day. Got a little bigger. In a porny kind of way, at least.

The Seattle Cable Access Network pulled the plug on Mike Hunt several years ago, after some parents (a total of about 6) complained that if their kids happened to be awake and watching television at 1 am (the only time the show aired), they might stumble upon this program and be corrupted. OK kids were stumbling upon it (I did, obviously), but why do SIX uptight people (in a viewing population of tens of thousands) get to spoil the fun for everyone? Is this America or what?! I hate people who get what they want by yelling loud enough. But I digress.

Mike Hunt still has a (very, very NSFW) website. If you want to look at some majorly porny porn, read about how 9/11 was an inside job, hear lots of Ron Paul and Ralph Nader speeches and feel good about that bong hit you're gonna take, Mike's gotcha covered. I warn you, though, the site has none of the charm of the show and mostly sucks. However, the brother brought me many hours of quasi-educational entertainment in my youth, so I'll give him a shout out and leave it to you to do as you wish. Yay America!

...or whatever.

Recently, I discovered that every single episode of the incomparable 90's teen angst-o-rama My So-Called Life is available on Hulu. I didn't watch it the first time around, because I was graduating from high school and obviously too cool to watch a show about sophomores, but watching it now, I'm impressed. Here are real (albeit mostly white) kids in a real school facing real issues.

One episode, called "Pressure" really struck me. Unsurprisingly, it was about sex! The main character, Angela, is totally in love with Jordan Catalano (first and last name always, please) and makes out with him in the boiler room at school every day, but isn't ready to have sex with him. He's pressuring her and she's worried that she's somehow abnormal because she's not into it.

What I found so refreshing was that the show tells kids there are all kinds of 'normal' when it comes to sex and teenagers. There is:

the smart girl with opportunity who wants to wait,

the sexy boy who is unused to girls wanting to wait

the wild girl who screws everyone and likes it

the shy boy that would hop in bed in a second - if he had someone to hop with

the good girl who really only likes her boyfriend because they have great sex

and the sweet boy coming to grips with wanting to sleep with boys.

Unlike the CW, which would have kids believe they're some kind of prude if they don't want to have group sex in the VIP lounge of some NY nightclub, this show lets kids be KIDS, to be dorky and confused and sexy and even ugly. And I think kids today could, like, do with a little dorkification. Or whatever.

Who Wants to be Sexually Harrassed?

The Manfriend forwarded this video the other day:

Total sexual harassment! I mean, it's a game show and not a workplace, the outcome of the game didn't ride on whether or not he responded favorably to her, and the dude did seem to roll with it, but he's clearly uncomfortable in several places.

And think about it - can you imagine the shitstorm that would have ensued if Regis Philbin had made any one of those comments to a female contestant? Equality only works if everyone is held to the same standard. And I'm pro-equality.