Ballistic Twirl

I read in a book once that bird penises remain inside bird bodies, except during sexual intercourse, for aerodynamic purposes. I've never had reason to doubt this, but after seeing this possibly NSFW video, my belief in the concept is cemented:

"Ballistic Penis" - not just a good band name, it's a real thing!

Oh. My. God. Did you see that?! It's twirly! I never stopped to think about what a duck's penis would look like, because...well, I don't think about ducks that way. But never, in my wildest dreams, would I have guessed a duck penis would be huge and twirly. Or ballistic!

The penises have to be to be huge and twirly because duck vaginas are - get this - deep and twirly! This deep, twirly, highly muscled vagina evolved to help the mama duck control who would be papa to her ducklings. If she's excited about a duck, she will loosen her muscles and essentially guide him down the long and winding road. If she's not interested, she can clamp down and keep him out in the cold.

Ducks have rape-proof vaginas. Now that is smart. Go evolution.

A more detailed explanation can be found here and here. And many thanks to my sister's amoureux for sending me an article that will forever make Howard the Duck even MORE creepy!

kinky, indeed

Mele Kalikimaka, Peeps

Or so our president, my sister and many other sunny Hawaiian folk are uttering this fine Christmas morning!

Whether or not you believe in the virgin birth that many are celebrating today, we all can use the lessons in kindness, compassion and acceptance that baby is said to have brought the world. May you be both the bearer and the recipient of those gifts throughout the upcoming year.

Thanks so much for reading, everyone (please keep doing so!!) and the very best of the season to you and yours. Merry Christmas!

The Kinsey Scale

Alfred Kinsey, the granddaddy of modern sexuality research, believed that human sexual orientation is a variable thing. That a people's sexual thoughts, desires and behavior toward either their own or the opposite sex can be fluid over time. To exemplify this idea, he and his colleagues used their extensive research to devise The Kinsey Scale:

0 - exclusively heterosexual

1 - mostly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 - mostly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 - equally heterosexual and homosexual

4 - mostly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 - mostly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 - exclusively homosexual

I believe almost everyone is somewhere between 1 & 2 or 4 & 5, especially considering you don't necessarily need to have sex with someone to tip the scales. It's most culturally acceptable for straight women to indulge in such fantasies (in the brain and in life, not to mention porn), but I think most every person of every stripe dabbles with their "Other" at least once or twice, even if it's only in a private sexy fantasy.

I love the Kinsey scale because it shows this 'dabbling' to be the natural expression of human sexuality that it is. A straight man can get hard thinking about sucking a guy off without being gay. A gay man can get hard thinking about licking a woman's breasts without being straight. Hell, according to this scale, they can even do those things without needing to rearrange their whole sexual identity.

That's the beautiful thing - we all can, men and women alike, without any shame. And healthy sexuality free from shame is what we're aiming for here at Chakabox. It's what we're all about! Thank you Granddaddy Kinsey!

I leave you with a little something we can all shamelessly enjoy, I daresay even you Level 6 boys and Level 0 girls, because holy crap, Charlize is a stone FOX stomping down the hallway gettin' all nekkid:

Nope, I am not a Kinsey 0. And I suddenly want some perfume...

PlayDate

The singles scene is a nightmare. Maybe it's just me (who is autistic-like with my avoidance of crowded rooms full of loud music and flashing lights), but trying to meet someone actually interesting in the full light of day in a club or bar is nigh unto impossible.

Then there's the internet. Some people are freakin' wizards at internet dating. One of my best friends met her adorable Dutch husband online, and while another has not yet met the man of her dreams, she's met some amazing people and will get an incredible book out of it. For most people, though, it's an exercise in awkward silences and disappointment.

There's something new out there, though: PlayDate US. This company sets up evenings where single people come, pay a $10-$15 cover charge and play games. All kinds of games! Monopoly, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Musical Chairs, CatchPhrase, Pictionary...the list goes on. There's also a cash bar, food and a dance floor with a DJ. FUN!

sexy!

I looked around to find out what people thought about PlayDate, and most seem to think that the games break the ice really well and make people come out of their shell in ways they don't in a bar or club. Personally, I think it's great to have a venue where cleverness and wit can be displayed as prominently as a beautiful body.

The only negatives I could find were that the evenings tend to get crowded, and that "it's kind of for old people". Age, however, is always relative...the average participant in a PlayDate is in their early to mid thirties. Ba dum bum.

Have you participated in one of these events? Are you planning to? Let me know about your experience!

Sexing up White Elephant

We went to a White Elephant party over the weekend. My idea was to take some of the freebie insurance calendars we have lying around the apartment, but the Manfriend pointed out that was lame. With my wheels turning, I thought about the most prominent white elephant gift in my memory.

Several years ago, at an exchange peopled primarily with Microsoft employees and their associated conference schwag, I ended up with practically the only gift not emblazoned with a stupid flying window logo: an issue of Penthouse and a copy of Anal Fever on bright-red VHS tape. Perhaps it was the slew of dirty looks shot my way all night from the ponytailed (I kid you not!) programmer from whom I stole the porny goodness, but I have never forgotten that gift.

Alas, Anal Fever was not available for this weekend's fete because my ex-boyfriend broke it years ago while trying to catch the Fever while I was in the shower one day. He could have waited until I was out of the shower, I suppose, but he was a pretty selfish guy. Super hot, though.

Anyway, we agreed that a box of condoms and a Penthouse would be an excellent addition to the evening's gifting festivities. On the way to our local purveyor of such things, I decided to stop by Babeland (the best sex toy shop ever) just in case they had anything cheap and fun. Note to all: Babeland is an excellent place to find cheap, fun and sexy White Elephant gifts!

The party was a blast, and our cherry-flavored pasties and candy g-string were among the most fought-for gifts. They were unable to top the appeal of 10 lottery tickets, but did beat out the singing/dancing stuffed chihuahua and the - can you believe it? - James Bond wall calendar. We came home with gourmet cookies and Polish booze. This suits us well.

To close, I have an announcement for unmarried men in the Greater Seattle Metropolitan area who are not assholes or mama's boys: there is a smart, sexy, soon-to-be-divorced 6th grade science teacher with newly procured edible underthings that will be looking for a good time here in a bit. If that's not fantasy fulfillment waiting to happen, I don't know what is!

The Pearl of Africa Loses Some Lustre

Uganda is a beautiful green country in central Africa, a place so fertile and verdant that you could bury a rock it it's rich, red soil and it would sprout little rock trees. The air is thick with moisture, and filled with more butterflies than you ever knew existed. I worked at a hospital in its capital city for a couple months back in 2005, and was forever changed by it. For all its beauty, though, it's at the center of some real ugliness at the moment.

Sassy Posing Girls: a universal truth

Homosexuality is illegal in Uganda. Gay and lesbian Ugandans face violence, employment discrimination, arrest and even life imprisonment. New pending legislation would add insult to injury.

Anyone found guilty of one same-sex encounter would face life imprisonment. A family member or friend found to have helped a gay or lesbian person with their 'unnatural' lifestyle - or even knowing about it without reporting it - could be jailed for anywhere from 3 to 7 years. And though recent reports say that the final bill will exclude such language, the original wording would impose death on 'serial offenders' and gays and lesbians with HIV+. Death. WTF.

Look, I respect that there are cultural and religious differences between countries. I also respect that people feel differently about the nature of homosexuality, no matter how much I may disagree with some of them. But I do not respect lawmakers that would kill their own people for no other crime but loving differently than they do. I do not respect a government that allows fundamentalist religion to dictate the human rights of its constituents.

There are some good articles about the situation here, here and here. This is not the first darkness that Uganda has undergone, and when viewed from a certain angle, not the darkest. What it is, however, is a finite, preventable action (rejecting the bill) that will save Ugandan lives. And I am all for anything that does that.

No Babies: Implanon

This one is relatively new - it was FDA approved in 2006. Implanon is a tiny rod that's inserted into a woman's upper arm that delivers a continuous supply of the hormone progestin, which prevents ovulation (among other things) for about 3 years. It's similar to an older product called Norplant, which was discontinued in the US in 2000, but is more effective and has fewer side effects.

these guns ain't tryin' to have no babies

Implantation is done with a local anesthetic, takes only a few minutes, and costs between $400-$800. Removal also occurs under local anesthetic, but takes longer than implantation and only costs between $75-$150. Both are usually covered by insurance or Medicaid.

Implanon is more than 99% effective, meaning less than 1 in 100 women will get pregnant while using it. It's progestin-only, so women who can't take estrogen or are breastfeeding can use it. Monthly period often become lighter and less frequent, with 1 in 3 women stop having a period altogether after about 6 months. If a woman wants to get pregnant, she can usually do so within a month or two of removing the implant.

There can be spotting between periods for the first 6 months or so, and there can be some discoloration, scarring and pain at the implant site. Other than that, the side effects are similar to that of other hormonal birth control: nausea, decreased sex drive, sore boobs, weight gain and mood swings.

From what I can see, women are split on Implanon. Those who like it really like it - a former co-worker of mine loved hers, and she was not one to be shy with complaints. Most women do experience some of the side effects listed above, especially in the first 6 months, but for some they either go away or are not troublesome. For others, though, the symptoms are more serious - acne, constant nausea, headaches and serious mood disturbance. Several women reported needing to have the implant removed after only 8-12 weeks.

I would personally hesitate before using Implanon, but systemic hormonal birth control tends to make me go batshit crazy. If hormones are something you tolerate well, though, Implanon sounds like it could be your new best friend.