Sex Laws So Dumb You Just Have To Wonder

There are plenty of laws I think are pretty stupid.  I'm not going to go into which these are, but let's just say that I believe that most adult people should pretty much be allowed to do what they want in their private time, provided it's consensual and not harmful to themselves or others.

But then there are those laws where you just have to think...what the hell happened to whose cousin's nephew to have such trivial things made into actual LAW?  For instance, here in Washington, it's illegal - actually illegal - to break someone else's full beer receptacles, like bottles, kegs or casks.  I mean, yeah, it's a dick move to wreck someone's beer, but does it really require legislative action?

If Washington were Donkey Kong,
Mario would be a barrel-breakin' OUTLAW

Rape at Your Own Risk

It is probably not a surprise that I am very firmly anti-rape.  I mean, what kind of an asshole consciously rapes someone?  Unless agreed upon in a mutually consensual and explicitly discussed way beforehand, if someone says "no" (or any permutation thereof,) during sexy time, sexy time is over.  This is not a complicated concept.

assholes with horses, apparently

As If AIDS Weren't Enough of a Nightmare

These creep me out in deep, deep places, but I dig them so much. Those Europeans...so edgy.

"Without condoms, it's AIDS you make love to. Protect yourself."

These have garnered some criticism from HIV advocates, namely that comparing HIV+ people to poisonous invertabrates is not the most sensitive campaign idea in the world. However, they do admit the posters are very eye-catching, and probably do much more good than harm.

GAH. So scary.

Kiwi Jerk

There is room for all kinds of selfishness when sex is involved. It can range from benign (cutting oral sex a little short from time to time because it's been a long day and your face is getting tired) to insidious (sabotaging birth control in the hopes a baby will save a relationship) to criminal (roofies).

But fer serious, this guy wins the dubious title of King of the Selfish Assholes.

Short version: guy in New Zealand finds out he's HIV+ during a routine physical. His wife and children are not infected. Wife stays with husband, but won't have sex with him. Guy then injects her with his blood while she's sleeping so she'll also be HIV+ and therefore have sex with him again.

Way to go, prick.

I'm not sure which part of "honey, I stuck you with needles while you were sleeping and infected you with an incurable disease that could make you agonizingly sick and will likely shorten your lifespan" is supposed to inspire amorous feelings in someone. But he's facing a 14-year prison sentence in Auckland, so I'm guessing his sociopathic plan didn't exactly go as he'd hoped.

The Company Inkwell

David Letterman has been in the news (if we can call it that) because he admitted to sleeping with people he works with. I have to ask...who hasn't? I mean, we spend most of our waking lives at work, so it's a natural place to meet people. It's also a natural way to get yourself into a hot mess.

Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic when things are going well. Picturing that hot security guard naked is greatly improved when you can actually rip his clothes off later. Sex breaks make a workday go by like THAT, I'll tell you. But, oh man, if things go south, we're talking Antarctica, folks.

There are some strong-willed individuals that can take it in stride, but most end up in a drama that could be in contention for a daytime Emmy. You not only have to see the person every day, you have to interact with them in this smooth, detached way, when what you want to do is run away or scream or cry or punch them in the face.

Letterman's situation is complicated further because the women he slept with worked for him. Bonking the boss brings up issues surrounding coercion and favoritism, either real or imagined. There's also a real power imbalance in a relationship like that, no matter who is in the boss role. When you can punish your partner professionally for something that happened in your personal lives, it skews things.

So I say proceed with caution, whether it's the boss or a colleague. Getting into a situation that could ruin both your personal and professional life in one fell swoop is not something to play with, no matter how delicious that situation may be. I say find yourself someone from another inkwell and use your imagination. One day you're the boss, the next day you're the personal assistant, the next the copy repair person...the fun is endless!!

Ugh.

A girlfriend sent me this today for a laugh. It was funnier when I thought it was just a crazy, clueless guy that made me happy I have the Manfriend.

It became less funny when I found out the messages are actually part of a viral marketing campaign for the guy's business...a business telling Canadian men that the best way to get women to sleep with them is to treat them like whores. Awesome...like the world needs another one of these jackoffs.

Here's a flyer he gives to women with enough self-respect to tell him to get lost:

This guy is serious, people. Look him up! I've been trying to come up with the words to describe how much he makes me want to barf in my mouth. I have not been successful.

That's the best I've come up with.

The worst part is there is no talking to this guy. As far as he's concerned, anyone who has a problem with him is just jealous or frigid or a lesbian or something.

Look, there is a flicker of truth is what guys like this espouse: confidence is definitely sexy. A little air of cockiness in a man makes most women want to know why you think you're so great. But when it's taken to the extreme that this guy goes to, it becomes disgusting and does nothing but perpetuate stereotypes: men only want one thing, women are only good for one thing.

Man, f#$k this guy. seriously.