Sunday, January 3, 2010

Alien Sex Shouldn't be Boring

I saw Avatar a couple nights ago. Visually, it was absolutely stunning - even breathtaking in a couple of spots. It's so beautiful (especially in 3D) it's even worth the inflated entrance price to see it in a theater.

The story, though, was only OK. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and all, but it had some issues, even for a frothy action movie. It was heavy handed, one-dimensional and about 25 minutes too long. And oh, so predictable.

Because it's so predictable, it's not a surprise (nor is it a spoiler to read here) that the 2 sexy sparkly blue heroes end up boning under some (frickin' gorgeous) magical trees. What was a surprise (and a disappointment) was that the scene was BORING.

James Cameron was inventive enough to create a world with floating mountains, glowing whirligig lizards and a humanoid species that communicates with trees (and rainbow dinosaur birds and 8-legged horses) via ponytail tentacles, but he can't think up a love scene more interesting than "pretty blue chick sits on pretty blue guy and they smooch"?! Yer slippin', Cameron.

I'm not looking for Hentai tentacle porn or anything...we are talking PG-13, after all. But this is imaginative PG-13 alien sex:


This is boring PG-13 alien sex:

And I'm sorry, when you have a $250 million budget, the best digital filmmakers in the world, 15 years to write a script and the most romantikest omgponies!!1! movie ever under your belt, I expect a bit more than a hug under a glowing tree. I mean, the tepid hand-on-the-foggy-car-window bit was sexier than this.

But, I am admittedly picky about such things, so I recommend you go see Avatar anyway. Do it before it's out of theatres and there's not much point in seeing it anymore. It's a treat for the eyeballs, if not the brain...and in this case, size does matter.

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