The Hedgehog

When "Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy" came to the movie theater across the street from the bookstore where I worked back in 2001, nobody would see it with me, because they were laaaaaaame. Being the person I am, I went by my damn self, because how could I miss a whole entire movie about the most prolific and unexpected porn star in history?

I just love the guy. He uses plastic bags as his luggage. He dyes his eyebrows. He taught Special Ed before he became an actor. Yes, his nickname is "The Hedgehog", which does kinda paint a good picture, but he seems to genuinely love women, his job and life itself. AND he has a 9.75" cock and a reputation for nirvana-inducing cunnilingus skills! What's not to love?!

Pre-hedgehog days - nummers!

Jeremy has performed over a thousand films, directed and written hundreds more, appeared in documentaries, television shows, music videos, live appearances...and he wrote a book that I will be reading as soon as I have 2 seconds to read something not related to couples and family therapy.

Here is an interview he did with TIME magazine a couple of years ago, which inspired this post. Here's to you, Ron Jeremy, for making fat, hairy and bald something the ladies can't stop jumping on.

Right Message Taken Wrong

Last week, Dr. Shirley Price - PhD, trained counselor, and school board member - went to Hitchcock TX's Crosby Middle School to give an inspirational talk to 6th-8th grade girls. The talk was about avoiding distractions to success, such as drugs, sex, alcohol, guns and crime. A positive female role model sharing positive advice with impressionable young women? Sounds pretty good, right?? Not to everyone, it turns out.

You heard she mentioned sex, right? Well, that's what everyone's up in arms about. When Dr. Price mentioned sex in her talk, a few girls spoke up and admitted they were all under a lot of pressure to start makin' it. Price took the (golden) opportunity to urge the young ladies to wait until they were older to have any kind of sex, including oral sex. Some of the girls admitted they didn't know what that was, and that's where the poop hit the pinwheel.

Factual talk about sex only frightens children that have been taught to fear sex. DAD.

At least two parents called the school (and the newspaper, apparently) insisting that Price had gone into graphic sexual detail during her talk, and then the news started reporting that she had instructed the girls in how to perform oral and anal sex. Witnesses insist this is untrue, that she flat out declined to give performance instructions, but that girls in the audience did go into details with each other, and she did not stop them until they were finished talking.

Parents started screaming about how they should have been able to opt out of such a discussion and how their kids are permanently damaged and blah blah blah. None of them stopped screaming long enough to realize that the girls knew exactly what they were talking about, no instruction needed, or to remember that the grown-up in the conversation kept promoting abstinence, exclusively. Apparently that's the wrong kind of abstinence education.

Anyway, the school superintendent sent out a letter to parents apologizing for the incident, and Price herself has said that it was a "lesson learned on [her] part", and that "[it was the] wrong time to discuss it". While I agree that it probably wasn't the primo time or place to present the info, especially after asking the principal to leave (the girls weren't comfortable talking in front of her - and several adults stayed in the room the whole time), I'm still glad those girls got what they needed. And I love how Price apologized for the venue, but not the subject matter. Delicious.

There is definitely a right and a wrong way to talk to little ones about sex, and I think Dr. Price did it the right way, but probably at the wrong time, all things considered. You know what, though? I'm glad it happened. Those girls needed to talk about it, or they wouldn't have brought it up - or kept talking about it. And they had a trained counselor to help them do it! That's gravy, people, no two ways about it.

No Babies: Shot 'o' Depo

We are nearing the end of our safari of hormonal manipulation, and I thought I'd bring in one of the more controversial before the finale. Depo-Provera, or Depo, was initially developed to treat uterine and cervical cancers, but was also found to very effectively prevent pregnancy in smaller doses. It is administered by injection, in a clinic, every three months.

Depo releases progestin, a female sex hormone, into the system. This prevents ovulation and thickens cervical mucus, making it nigh unto impossible for sperm and egg to meet and zygote it up. If injected on time every time, less than 1% of users will become pregnant while using it. That great percentage goes down quickly if shots are gotten late.

The main benefit is that it's birth control you think about only every 3 months, leading to increased efficacy and decreased pain-in-the-assedness. It's also very discreet, reduces the risk of uterine cancers, and can decrease menstrual flow significantly. The lack of estrogen makes it appropriate for women with cardiovascular problems, or who are breastfeeding. The shots are $35-$75 each, plus clinic costs.

Most of the side effects common to hormonal birth control also apply here - weight gain, mood disturbances, spotting between periods, headache, nausea, etc. The unfortunate thing is that if you do experience these, there's no way to reverse the shot - you've just got to deal for 3 months.

There are also some more serious side effects. The most talked about is that Depo causes temporary bone loss, which increases with prolonged use; as a result, the FDA placed a "black box warning" on packaging in 2004. Less commonly known is the 3-9 fold increase in risk for cervical cancer, and that some animals involved with the drug's testing developed breast tumors. Most shocking to me, however, is that babies exposed to Depo while still in the womb have an 80% chance of not surviving their first year. Ho-ly crap.

The controversy surrounding Depo is pretty significant. During many of the inital clinical trials, both in the US and the developing world, record keeping and protocol was shoddy, at best. It was unclear whether or not participants had been properly informed of the risks. In one major study, women with clear contraindications were given the shot anyway, and others were deliberately misinformed of the risks.

The vast majority of the participants were very poor women of color with limited education, groups that have been historically vulnerable to unethical scientific research practices, which raised questions about ethics and coercion. It's crap science like this that makes all clinical researchers look bad, and that is something this former clinical researcher takes kinda personally.

There's more detail about the controversy here, about 2/3 of the way down the page.

I have to say Depo is a method I have never considered using. I do have some friends who've used it and love it, but I've heard more horror stories than love stories. I'd love to hear your experience, if you've had one - I'm always down to learn something that might change my mind.

If you have any questions about any of this, give me a shout, or talk to your health care provider!

Coat Hangers are for Closets

In 1971, a woman named Norma McCorvey got preggers, but decided she did not want to have the baby. She initially tried to obtain a legal abortion by falsely claiming she was raped (in Texas, where all this went down, abortion was legal only in the case of rape or incest), but the attempt failed because she did not have a police report.

She then decided, under the name Jane Roe, to sue Dallas County, Texas, represented by then district attorney Henry B. Wade. The basis of her suit was that the county was violating her, and other women's, ninth amendment right to privacy by interfering with a decision between an adult and her doctor. The case, dubbed Roe vs. Wade, was first argued in December 1971, re-argued in October 1972, then ended up in front of the Supreme Court. Early in the process, McCorvey/Roe gave birth to a baby girl and gave her up for adoption, but wanted continue with the trial 'for other women'.

The Supreme Court's historic decision was handed down on January 22, 1973. This decision immediately reversed any state bans on access to first-trimester abortions, and on second trimester abortions if it was to save the life of the mother. Personally, I think this is awesome. I'm not some "Yay! Abortions are GREAT!" person, but I do think that grown women should be able to make decisions about their own bodies and children.

In the intervening years, Norma McCorvey has actually become an anti-abortion activist after being baptized first as an Evangelical Christian in 1995, then as a Roman Catholic in 1998. This is her right, and I respect it, although anti-abortion crusaders who haven't adopted or housed at least one foster child piss me off.

Either way, Happy 37th birthday, Roe vs Wade! You're totally my favorite court case ever.

NO WIRE HANGERS EVER!!!!!

Tingly Songs

Some songs hit you right in the unmentionables, and I definitely mean that in a sexy way. I was trying to figure out how to whittle some down to a manageable list, but wasn't having any luck. Finally, I decided I'd just use the first 5 that came to my mind that weren't by Marvin Gaye, and here they are, in no particular order!

Tricky - Overcome

I was sitting on a subwoofer the first time I heard this song. The seating arrangement + heavy bass factor was just the icing on this dreamy, trancy, sexy cake of a song.

Edge of the World - Faith No More

So dirty! Many claim that this is some kind of pedophile anthem, but I claim those people have no imagination.

Dania El Khatib - Leiley

I don't know what it is about this song - the longing in her voice, the driving beat, what - but it's so sexy to me I can't hardly stand it.

Rihanna - Rehab

I had a disease like that once. It felt so good I almost didn't care how bad it was. And I know this is about the song and not the video, but how pretty are those two?

Primus - Theme from South Park

I have had more sex with South Park in the background than I can even remember. Is this just me, or is it a generational thing?

Spill your 'first 5' in the comments!

Spot o' Fun

That last post was a little heavy, but sometimes troof must come before hilarity. To lighten things up a little, I present another amazing example of animal sexy times! It's just amazing...words cannot describe. This is what Avatar sex should have been. Minus the slime, maybe.

wait for the flower!

Is it just me, or does David Attenborough have the most soothing voice, like, ever? Thank you, Petra P, for sending this in!

DC Notes

On Friday morning , I posted about a rumor going around the interwebs about the Washington DC police arresting people for carrying 3 or more condoms for prostitution. It was my intention to debunk said rumor, for it is most certainly not true, but even if I accomplished that, I left out a couple of key points that I want to bring to light now.

When I checked my email Friday evening, I'd gotten an email from the office of Adrian M. Fenty, the mayor of Washington DC, which reiterated one of the points I feel wasn't made plain enough: "The criminal offense associated with a Prostitution Free Zone involves the failure to disperse, after an officer issues such an order to two or more persons congragating on public space within the PFZ." It has nothing whatsoever to do with carrying condoms.

However, someone carrying condoms is a factor in determining whether said people are congregating for purposes of prostitution, as opposed to a prayer meeting, which is totally legal, even in a PFZ.

I still argue this will just make prostitutes less likely to carry condoms, as opposed encourage them to find a job in retail. Not reducing prostitution while simultaneously making it more risky doesn't jive with either the point of the law, nor the otherwise-pretty-great thing DC doing to reduce the HIV rate in DC.

That pretty-great thing is the other thing I didn't highlight - or mention at all, for that matter. DC Public Health is doing a mass distribution of free condoms, but they're not just putting them in clinics and health centers and the like. They're putting them in nightclubs, bars, convenience and liquor stores, restaurants and laundromats, which is a fantastic idea.

So, DC could be doing more to reduce its ridiculous 3% HIV rate (on par with Kenya and Uganda), but is doing pretty progressive, forward-thinking things already. I like to be as thorough as I can be and get both sides of things like this, so I hope I've done that now.

And because even the most diligent of us have moments of pheromone-induced insanity, I leave you with a friendly reminder for everyone to USE CONDOMS WITH NEW PARTNERS!!! I won't sugarcoat it and admit that sex with condoms is less fun than without them, but sex with condoms is WAY more fun than sex with HIV.

Three is the Magic Number

Apparently, Washington, DC is cracking down on prostitution. They're creating "prostitution free zones" in parts of the city that have higher than average prostitution activity. Once an area is designated as a PFZ, 2 or more people standing around for the purpose of prostitution will be told to take a hike, and if they don't, they get a free ride downtown.

The big story out about this is that one of the ways officers can determine if people are on the game, or just participating in a flash mob, is by looking at how many condoms people have on them. Those with 3 or more condoms also get a free ride downtown, because only sex workers and their johns carry more than 1 condom at a time.

Those are the first notes in the song about how the person carrying all 3 of these at once is a whore

Now, that's not exactly true - the DC police are saying that having multiple condoms alone isn't reason enough arrest someone, but that it can be a factor in "justifying an investigative stop."
Again, because someone can't possibly want to get laid more than once in a night without money changing hands.

Even though they aren't arresting people for carrying multiple condoms, the city with the highest HIV rate in the US is not exactly making a smart move, here. Making condoms a factor in sex workers getting picked up will not make prostitution less common, only less safe. It will not only make everyday people less likely to carry condoms, it will most certainly make sex workers (and those who seek their services) less likely to. WHAT KIND OF THINKING IS THAT? Stupid thinking, that's what kind.

Here is a petition for you to sign, if you are so inclined (orange button on the left). The petition folks also suggest writing to the mayors of DC, New York and San Francisco, (whose police departments have similar policies about condoms) and "asking them to tell their police forces to stop considering condoms as evidence of intent to commit any crime." It works especially well if you live in one of those cities (and some of you do....) and could potentially vote for the other guy next time if you don't get your way.

So don't let the man bring you down, tell him what's up. And thank you, Drew, for the heads up on this ridiculousness via the Chakabox Facebook page!

Go forth and carry those condoms with pride, ya hookers!

Being Sexy Doesn't Necessarily Make you Right

So, if you are amongst the "I have a job during the day" people, you have probably missed the daytime television gem "The Doctors". On the show, 4 medical doctors, each possessing enough bone structure for 3 people, sit behind a shiny desk and dispense pop medicine.

Paging Dr. Cheekbones...

Mostly they're harmless. They say a lot about eating whole grains and vegetables, remind people not to smoke and get enough sleep, which is always good, and they stay away from fads and trends for the most part. It's usually only background noise as I'm writing or studying or cleaning house or whatever. Really, the only reason it's ever on is because I get distracted by that tall drink of water up there on the right while surfing for something to ignore.

But today...today they pissed me off. Someone wrote in and asked how to prevent their frequent cold sores. Their advice? Don't share drinking glasses, throw away your toothbrush after you have an outbreak so you don't 'get it again', and don't eat peanut butter. There's nothing that makes a man less sexy than giving out bunk information about herpes.

Put that sexy neck away, you misinforming so and so...

First of all, it's practically impossible to pass cold sores (usually caused by herpes simplex virus 1 or HSV1) via a glass. You get HSV1 from direct skin-to-skin contact, and no other way. However, it makes many people feel better to keep glasses, towels, etc. to themselves when they're having an outbreak, anyway, which is certainly not going to hurt anyone.

Secondly, once you have cold sores, you're not going to get them again, so you can keep your toothbrush. As soon as a body is infected with HSV1, it starts creating antibodies that prevent re-infection after re-exposure. This is basic immunology. Doctors should know this.

Thirdly, one of them said that "kids often will get cold sores in their mouth..." NO. They get canker sores in their mouth, which are completely different. Healthy people don't get cold sores in their mouths - only people with no immune system (HIV+, organ transplant, etc.) do.

inside = canker sore outside = cold sore

Fourth, it is wise to avoid peanut butter, and other foods rich in an amino acid called arginine. I'll give them that.

But what really pissed me off that they didn't even mention the fact that there are highly effective, safe, and inexpensive prescription medications available to prevent frequent or painful cold sores. They didn't need to name names, (which are acyclovir, valacyclovir and famciclovir) but they should have at least mentioned that there are effective meds available.

So yeah, The Doctors are dead in my book. Harsh? Maybe, but I also just found out that Dr. Sexypants was also The Bachelor once, which I just can't hang with. I don't mean to offend anyone who enjoys watching it, but I hate that The Bachelor exists and is popular in a country that legally defiles the civil liberties of American citizens in the guise of 'protecting the sanctity of marriage'.

But mostly they're dead because they gave bunk info about herpes, which is my biggest pet peeve next to people cracking gum or clipping their nails on the bus.

Don't forget to send questions to the Answerbox!

No Babies: Ring a Ding Ding Dong

The vaginal ring is a flexible plastic drug delivery system that is placed inside the vagina, resting close to/around the cervix, that releases estrogen and progestin continually over time. NuvaRing is the most popular brand name, but there other brands, as well as generic options, out there.

The ring prevents ovulation and thickens cervical mucus, in basically the same way birth control pills do. It's not going to turn anyone into a lady Gollum, but lots of women I know have a similar devotion to their rings as that twitchy little dude did to his. Yes, I'm a dork.

The Precioussssss...

The ring stays in place for three weeks out of every month, then is removed for one week, letting menstruation occur. The women I've spoken to that use vaginal rings, (both friends and patients at the research clinic) insist they're super comfortable, but I've never used one myself, so can't confirm or deny it. I have handled them, and they are very flexible, and also very soft. I don't have a male perspective about how they feel during sex - men? Any thoughts?

Vaginal rings are 99% effective if used properly and always changed on time, and about 82% if changed late. It's slightly more effective than the Pill, most likely because the dosing is much easier to comply with - there's only one chance a month to use it late, instead of one chance a day. If the ring is changed late, a backup method of birth control is needed until the next time it's changed on time. The cost comes to around $10-$50 per month.

Just as the action of ring is very similar to that of the Pill, so are its side effects. Weight gain is common, though at least 3 women I know only gained weight in their boobs, which they were mostly stoked about. Also noted are nausea and vomiting, bleeding between periods (especially in the first 6 months), decreased sex drive and mood alteration. There's also an increased risk of serious cardiovascular problems, especially in smokers, women who are older than 35 or are significantly overweight.

One final thing about NuvaRing in particular: I want to encase in carbonite the marketing team that made up that damn synchronized swimming commercial with that f***ing annoying days of the week song. Direct-to-consumer marketing of pharmaceuticals was already the bane of the American healthcare system before that drivel was barfed into existence to rub salt in the wound. It has absolutely nothing to do with how well NuvaRing works or how good a choice it is for someone, but I just had to get that out.

As always, if you have any thoughts to add, please comment, and if you have any questions, ask away!

As If AIDS Weren't Enough of a Nightmare

These creep me out in deep, deep places, but I dig them so much. Those Europeans...so edgy.

"Without condoms, it's AIDS you make love to. Protect yourself."

These have garnered some criticism from HIV advocates, namely that comparing HIV+ people to poisonous invertabrates is not the most sensitive campaign idea in the world. However, they do admit the posters are very eye-catching, and probably do much more good than harm.

GAH. So scary.

Porn for the Blind

I was reading fourfour today, (a hilarious blog, provided you enjoy smush-faced kitties and pop culture) and came across a link I couldn't help but click:

Pornfortheblind.org

It's a list of links to verbal descriptions of pornography websites. In theory, this is a great idea - just because a person can't see porn doesn't mean the don't want to enjoy it. However, when I clicked the links, the resulting audio was so unsexy, and so entirely missed the point of porn, that I find the whole thing suspect.

First and foremost, the people reading these have absolutely no sex or passion anywhere in their voices. Every voice sounds either bored or embarrassed to be reading. And the language is so clinical that they might as well be reading the technical manual for a dishwasher. I'm not blind, but I think I can speak for people who are when I say "Uh, now the woman is rubbing her breasts and touching her vagina" does not inspire me to rub one out.

like this, only louder and less sexy

I'm guessing college students or bored web designers are having some fun. Or it's some kind of art/sociology/whatever project.

If you're blind and reading this through adaptive technology, or you're close to someone who's blind, and you think I don't know what I'm talking about, please let me know - I'm very curious to have my suspicions confirmed or denied. And if you're looking for some naughty audio for yourself (or for a special sightless someone) that is actually sexy, give this (NSFW) site a try.

Answerbox: Penis, Uninterrupted (Scientific Yet NSFW Pics Ahead!)

I got an email in the Answerbox the other day from a person who had just started dating an uncircumcised man for the first time, and wasn't quite sure what to do once his pants came off. In response, I give you an introduction to penises as nature makes 'em!

Men are born with a foreskin, which is a 2-layered fold of skin that covers the glans, (head) of a flaccid penis. Because most adult men in America today (65%-80%) have had their foreskin removed (been circumcised or 'cut'), many Americans have never seen an intact penis. This here is an example, for the uninitiated:

The outer layer of skin is, obviously, a continuation of the shaft's skin. The inner side is a mucous membrane, like the inside of the mouth or inner folds of a woman's yoni. When the penis becomes erect, the foreskin essentially turns inside out, exposing this more tender skin, as well as the head of the penis:

Where are all the not-porny pictures of non-white penises?! This irks me.

There are some foreskins that don't retract all the way back during an erection, and these can usually be manually retracted, or not, depending on a man's preference. Guys will know from solo efforts how best to handle the situation. If it just won't retract, no matter how he or you try, he may have a condition called phimosis, and should at least talk with a healthcare professional, especially if it would be the first time doing so. He may need medical intervention (though not necessarily).

To maintain a healthy uncircumcised penis, it needs to be kept clean (which can be said for any penis) and protected by condoms with new sex partners. Condoms are especially important because the mucous membrane makes uncut penises much more susceptible to STDs. This increased STD risk is one of the arguments made for circumcision, but the whole circumcision argument is something for another day.

From a partner perspective (which is the only perspective I've got, being female and all), I've found there's not much difference between intact and circumcised once a guy's standing at attention. The skin on the shaft of an erect uncircumcised penis slides up and down a lot more, condom technique varies slightly, and uncut penises tend to be more sensitive at the tip. Other than that, they're really very similar, and each is a treat in its own way!

penis treat!

Finally, if you have questions about any given unit, the absolute best person to ask is the guy attached to it. You can make it sexy and fun: start out gently, asking "do you like this?" while lightly touching him. Then just keep trying stuff ("...what about this? This?") until you get the hang of it. Don't be shy - there isn't a man out there that doesn't like undivided attention paid to his penis, especially when it's in an effort to pleasure it more effectively.

So, here's to the ever-fashionable Snake Sweater! Leaving penises intact is becoming more and more common in the US, so it's wise for young folks (or those with a taste for young men) to have a familiarity with what's coming up on deck. Thanks for your contribution, Answerbox submitter - now go get some with confidence. Have fun!!

Do you have a question for the Answerbox? Click here, or at the top of the page and ask away. All questions will be answered, and all names will remain 100% confidential!

Words = Potential Lifesavers

Several years ago, my good friend Alexis was working in Mumbai doing HIV/AIDS education amongst poor women, because she's rad like that. One day, while sitting in an internet cafe, an Indian man at the next computer spoke to her:

"Sister, what are you doing here in India?" (Alexis is very clearly not Indian)

"I'm teaching women about HIV and AIDS."

"Oh, I am so glad you are here! I was with a prostitute last night, and I am worried that I could have gotten AIDS. Can you tell me if I am in danger?"

"Did you use a condom?"

"Oh yes, I always use a condom with prostitutes. But I kissed the woman on the mouth. Am I in danger?"

"Well, it's very good that you always use condoms with prostitutes, and you should keep doing that. It is very unlikely that you could have gotten HIV from a kiss. But I will suggest that before you get married, you get tested, to make sure you and your wife are safe."

No hesitation, no embarrassment, no judgment. And I love how she connected getting tested for HIV with his responsibility as a husband - people will often do something for a partner that they won't do for themselves. She gave factual, relevant information in an open and honest way that very well may have saved lives.

For that, and countless other things, including once saying "If I had $5 for every boy I deflowered, I could buy a sweater at the Gap", Alexis will always be a winner here at Chakabox.

Alien Sex Shouldn't be Boring

I saw Avatar a couple nights ago. Visually, it was absolutely stunning - even breathtaking in a couple of spots. It's so beautiful (especially in 3D) it's even worth the inflated entrance price to see it in a theater.

The story, though, was only OK. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and all, but it had some issues, even for a frothy action movie. It was heavy handed, one-dimensional and about 25 minutes too long. And oh, so predictable.

Because it's so predictable, it's not a surprise (nor is it a spoiler to read here) that the 2 sexy sparkly blue heroes end up boning under some (frickin' gorgeous) magical trees. What was a surprise (and a disappointment) was that the scene was BORING.

James Cameron was inventive enough to create a world with floating mountains, glowing whirligig lizards and a humanoid species that communicates with trees (and rainbow dinosaur birds and 8-legged horses) via ponytail tentacles, but he can't think up a love scene more interesting than "pretty blue chick sits on pretty blue guy and they smooch"?! Yer slippin', Cameron.

I'm not looking for Hentai tentacle porn or anything...we are talking PG-13, after all. But this is imaginative PG-13 alien sex:

This is boring PG-13 alien sex:

And I'm sorry, when you have a $250 million budget, the best digital filmmakers in the world, 15 years to write a script and the most romantikest omgponies!!1! movie ever under your belt, I expect a bit more than a hug under a glowing tree. I mean, the tepid hand-on-the-foggy-car-window bit was sexier than this.

But, I am admittedly picky about such things, so I recommend you go see Avatar anyway. Do it before it's out of theatres and there's not much point in seeing it anymore. It's a treat for the eyeballs, if not the brain...and in this case, size does matter.

Hopes for the Future, Which is Here All Of A Sudden

Holy crap, it's the FUTURE! 2010! There's nothing like the dawn of a new decade to inspire hopes for what's to come, and here's what I'm aiming for, at least in the realm of sexytime!

1. The Return of Comprehensive Sex Education

We can now promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

Since the mid 2000s, the rates of teenage pregnancy and STD acquisition have been rising, despite a steady decline during the 2 previous decades. Why, you may ask? Just one reason, as far as I (and these folks and also these) are concerned: abstinence-only sex education in public schools. Instead of giving young people factual information about the risks and benefits of sexual activity, an entire generation of Americans had extremist conservative morality slimed all over them in the guise of 'education'. Happily, this dream is on the way to coming true: the federal education budget has been re-written by the Obama administration to give funding to 'evidence-based models' of sex ed. Hallelujah.

2. Relationship Equality

Brad and George: live long and prosper!!

Unsurprisingly, I believe that same-sex couples should be able to legally commit to each other, file their taxes jointly, build homes together, and get through nasty divorces as better people in the end, just like heterosexual folks. Personally, I'd vote that 'marriage' be left to houses of worship and 'civil union' become the norm for legalizing coupledom for homos and heteros alike, but that may be too much for the tradition-loving USofA. But really, it's time for this "those men/women love and make each other happy and that is somehow threatening to me" nonsense to end. It's just old.

3. The Sexualization of Children Will Be Creepy Again

Slut dolls are CREEPY.

Bratz Dolls will be melted down to make disposable single-dose vaccine delivery systems for developing countries. Tarting up 16 year olds while shoving their virginity down our throats will cause the spontaneous combustion of PR companies. Glitz Pageants will outlawed as child prostitution. Gossip Girl will go off the air. And I will never, ever hear the word 'sexting' again.

4. Eradication of HIV/AIDS. And Herpes. And Syphilis. And Gonorrhea....

If syphilis and gonorrhea were actually this cute, maybe they wouldn't have to die.

Be it through prevention, a successful vaccination programs or the discovery of cures, I want this crap gone. You can help make my dreams come true!! Get tested, use protection, and volunteer, donate!

I believe!! I believe!! I believe that these things will happen, and that there will also be a space elevator. Because that would be so, so cool.