Condoms, Please. No, Really. Trust Me.

You've been hearing it since forever, but now there's an all-new reason to not just glaze over and think, "Come ON.  We know to use condoms, OK? Next topic".

Being told to use condoms is sooooo '07.

Choppy Chop

Male circumcision: it's a controversial subject.  Some people say God commands it, some people say it's the only way to keep a penis really clean (which is patently untrue), some people say it's merely an unnecessary cosmetic procedure, and some others think it's the straight up mutilation of babies.

Something like that, yeah...

I'm Having a Michael Jackson Moment

Not because I have inappropriate relationships with children, or because I've gone bonkers because I didn't have a childhood, but because I totally found some human remains I want to buy.

and also dance with

Kissing Factoids!

For your weekend viewing pleasure!

Please note:  Management maintains there are better disaster movies than what's mentioned, totally randomly, in this compilation here.  Just sayin'.  

And the fact that kissing can be more analgesic than morphine is RAD and makes me crazy happy. 

Greece Has Always Been Interesting...

...but now I am FASCINATED.

All that, and feta, lamb, and olives for days?  This is my kind of country, people.  

No, Seriously...It's Everywhere

So, some Navy Seals killed Osama Bin Laden.  You've heard this, right?  When I think about the raid, I tend to picture Demi Moore.  Not to take away from the sheer bad-assery of the actual guys that went in and did it, but I've seen GI Jane one too many times.

And also, getting killed in the face by a GIRL would've really pissed him off

Terrifying? Incredible? It's Bowf!

Here's something to know about me:  spiders and I don't really get along.  In fact, they utterly terrify me.  Once, I slept on my couch for 3 days because there was this big horrific spider (at least the size a large New-York style pizza, I swear) camped out on the wall above my bed.

Pictured: the beast's tent

Best. Picture. Ever.

During my visit to the homestead of the Manfriend, his mom and I spent an afternoon elbow-deep in baby pictures of the cutest little tow-headed boy you ever frickin' saw.  In the midst of the adorbz, though, I came across the Best.  Picture.  Ever.  It's like the universe put the Manfriend and I together so that I would one day get to see this picture.

poetry...pure poetry.

Lessons from an American Adventure

Manfriend and I spent the past couple weeks visiting his parents and driving for hella - as in, from Atlanta to Seattle.  I learned some interesting things on our travels:

1.  Driving for 14 hours a day is exhausting and makes your ass hurt.

Something To Think About When Planning International Travel

If you like penises, anyway.  I have no idea who compiled this information, but I appreciate it.

All the travel agent the cock connoisseur will ever need

I'm not a snob when it comes to cock size - in fact, I list a man that lost most of his penis in a botched surgery as one of the finest lovers I've ever had.  Don't get me wrong - I'm delighted that the Manfriend's is as glorious as it is - but size is absolutely not all when it comes to a man's skill.  I mean, hello...the country that brought the world the Kama Sutra purportedly has some of the smallest dicks in the world.  

Click here for an interactive version of the map.  Enjoy your travels, cock lovers - send me a postcard!!

Nobody Wins When You Play Games With Traffic Safety

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Take This Job and Shove It

Know what most people didn't say when someone asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up?   A German porn dubber.  Video is definitely NSFW.

may also be a bit disillusioning to some

I totally have a backup career plan now.

What Wesleyan Said

Some students at Wesleyan have produced a protest video that I support and now supply here for to enrichmentize your lives.

I also have sex.  Just so we're clear on that.

You can sign an open letter to your Senator (and a "what the hell?!" letter to your Congressperson) here. Save Planned Parenthood, peeps.  Do it for the chirren - that you have only when you want to!  

NYC is Pretty Neat, It Turns Out

I've never been to New York.  I've had various friends living there on and off since right after high school, but I've still never managed to get there.  There are some things that sound amazing about it, like 4 million restaurants from every country in the world, not to mention 4 million PEOPLE from every country in the world.  But then someone will say something like "every streetcorner in Manhattan smells like a different asshole" and the bloom comes off the rose a little.

 thank you, Manfriend, for that potent description

Sexy Books With An Actual Story

Sexy books are fun, but sometimes you want something more than just bangin'.  I was 13 when I found Butterfly in a friend's bedroom, and ooooooooh, watch out.  The gold parts of the cover were all embossed like books from the grocery store, and though now it's so 80s it's kind of charming, back then it was the 80s and it was just kind of fabulous.  

Where are my Dynasty shoulder pads and L'Oreal mousse?

Happy V DAY!

Not as in "the lizard people are coming and you should be happy about it," but as in VALAMINTIMES DAY!  

These are for the paper valamintime pocket you taped onto your desk

Plotting Your Sexual Orientation

Not the crime novel kind of plotting, but the math kind!

I've posted before on the Kinsey Scale, which is a way of easily illustrating your sexual orientation to people, should it become their business for whatever reason.  I thought it was pretty handy - and it is - but recently, I've been introduced to a tool for illustrating a person's preferred sexual orientation that is way more accurate and inclusive.  It's the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid!

truly straight lines and angles don't really exist in the Klein Grid

Sinplex Weekend

There are two sexually transmitted infections that are kind of in a class by themselves:  herpes and HPV.  What makes them unique is that they are generally non-life-threatening, but also incurable.  HPV is usually cleared by a person's immune system after a few years, but herpes is around for life.

it'll keep poppin' in from time to time, just to say hi

Oh, Baby, I Want You...To Sign This, Please

The forties were a crazy time in America.  There was WAR and insane racism but also great shoes and delicious, delicious Gene Kelly.  There was also this:

Who needs moonlight and roses when there's paperwork?!

A gentleman could give this to a lady prior to having casual sex with her, in case said lady thought said gentleman might marry her or something, which he would most certainly not do.  It was also useful in case the cops barged in because they suspected a fee-for-service situation.  Or that he trafficking her, which is also what the Mann Act (officially the White Slave Traffic Act) was (and is) about.

I'm all about communication - you don't accrue the kind of debt I'm currently in the process of expanding to become a therapist if you're not.  But a pre-coital agreement is taking it a little far, I think.  I know it was a different time and all...but dang.

Andrej Pejic

I've become somewhat of a fashion junkie in the past few years.  I used to hate the fashion industry, on account of it being shallow and excessive and a major sponsor of turning "beautiful" into "looking like you're starving".  And it is those things, but mostly only if you take it seriously as, like, a lifestyle.

Case in point

Sex Laws So Dumb You Just Have To Wonder

There are plenty of laws I think are pretty stupid.  I'm not going to go into which these are, but let's just say that I believe that most adult people should pretty much be allowed to do what they want in their private time, provided it's consensual and not harmful to themselves or others.

But then there are those laws where you just have to think...what the hell happened to whose cousin's nephew to have such trivial things made into actual LAW?  For instance, here in Washington, it's illegal - actually illegal - to break someone else's full beer receptacles, like bottles, kegs or casks.  I mean, yeah, it's a dick move to wreck someone's beer, but does it really require legislative action?

If Washington were Donkey Kong,
Mario would be a barrel-breakin' OUTLAW